i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
