When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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