Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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