She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just pee around me
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
