and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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