I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
