Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
