Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
