I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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