I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
