I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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