so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
