i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
