I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
