Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
