I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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