He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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