what day is it and did you see me today?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
