my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize