I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
