I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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