i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
