Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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