We won't sleep together?
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
