i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
