Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
