I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
