considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
