She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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