elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
