Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
