how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize