Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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