Don't make out with my wife yet
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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