So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
