dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
