I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
