Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(210): View more from Texas

I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.

Fav 4 1793 770
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(505): View more from New Mexico

He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.

Fav 25 937 3601
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(607): View more from New York

I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.

Fav 12 5002 1119
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(803): View more from South Carolina

For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...

Fav 20 4759 1140
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(231): View more from Michigan

i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget

Fav 15 1384 6005
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(514): View more from Quebec

can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??

Fav 6 2112 955
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm

Fav 10 1205 2011
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today

Fav 4 624 379
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(317): View more from Indiana

They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.

Fav 0 76 7
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