fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
