i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
