that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
