I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
