i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dignity is for republicans.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
