So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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