If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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