i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
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I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
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Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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