When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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