Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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