did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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