Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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