i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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