Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
...so i touched it.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
