No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
