Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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