Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
