fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
