god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
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I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
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Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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