No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
