google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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