I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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