guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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