im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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