We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
