my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
