that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
