Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
