i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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