I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
