1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My pussy is not your playground.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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