things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
