just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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