If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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