her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
