I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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