Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
