trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
