I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
