dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
