im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
