I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's never too late to be topless.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
