So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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