Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
